I Am That Mom- Candice

What kind of mom am I?

 I giggle when I think about it because I am SOOOO not the mom I thought I would be.

I think if we are all honest with ourselves, none of us really turned out to be what we imagined we would be. Sure there are probably one or two things I stuck to my guns on, but in the long run....I discovered I am a sucker :)

For example:

I am THAT mom...

...who SWORE my child wouldn't even be offered a paci, let alone have it OUTSIDE of his bed...all day...everyday...I mean that's just ridiculous!

I just can't make myself take the the thing away. And meet Gigi, his giraffe lovie...I mean lovIES (all three).

I am THAT mom..

...who SWORE my children would watch Yo Gabba Gabba OVER MY DEAD, COLD, LIFELESS BODY

Yes...we all see how well that turned out.

And looky there, I'm still alive and kickin' despite my children's love for DJ Lance Rock, Muno, Foofa, Brobee, Toodee and Plex (did I really just rattle those names off like they were my own kid's names?!?! Good grief).

On a more serious note, I was that mom who was die hard committed to one thing.

Breastfeeding.

Yep. I am a nurse and everything in the medical world tells us that "breast is best,"right?

And every mom wants to give her child the best, right?

Lucky for me, it came easily. I nursed my first three for the full year

and doing it was as simple as writing my name.

 NO big deal.

 Then came my 4th...my little Maggie Beth.

And this time around it wasn't happening.

I'll spare you precious readers the details (your welcome-ha!), but I think many a mommy can understand when I say it just wasn't meant to be. I still cringe when I think about the pain.

I was a mess. I mean, I HAD done this three times before (quite easily) so what WAS the problem?

I even went to a lactation consultant, pumped, quit, felt guilty, tried again, got engorged (again), went back to the lactation consultant, pumped, quit, felt guilty, tried again, got engorged (again) only to finally quit (for good). The decision to go to formula was a hard one for me.

It wasn't because I thought formula was a bad thing for my child, but was ultimately because I felt like a failure. Like I had somehow done a disservice to her, that I had failed to be the best for her.

 It took me a few months to get over it completely.

We all want to be that mom who gives their child the world. As I look back now (granted she's only 7 months old), I realize that she still looks at me like I am the greatest and not at all a failure, she doesn't care where her milk comes from as long as her belly is full (truthfully, she would rather make a meal out on squash and applesauce), and she is absolutely perfect...in every way.

 I'll even go as far as to tell you all that my first three children all had surgery for various things by the time they were 2 years old. My middle two have had 4 sets of tubes (and still counting) between the two of them. What was that about breast milk being linked to less illness?? I may be a nurse, but I'm not one who believes all that anymore. Whether it's breast milk or formula, it hasn't seemed to matter in my kids. At the end of the day, I had to be THAT MOM who did what was best for her family. And in the three weeks I did my darndest to nurse that child, my family fell apart. I wasn't there...and they noticed. They were trying to take care of and hold me together when it was supposed to be the other way around. So for me, it was important to be the mom that was there, ever present in all of my children's lives, enjoying them to the fullest. And I am. I LOVE being THAT MOM. And they love me.

So, I guess my point is that we all start out with grand ideas of what motherhood will look like, but in the end, we change and we grow: we give a little here, we slack a little there, and motherhood becomes something even better than we could have ever imagined!

You can find more on Brian, Candice, Eli, Ella Kate, Noah and Maggie here