Losing Sleep

Ever since we announced we are adopting, I haven't been able to sleep. 

I love sleep.....adore it, actually. 

And yet, lately it's just not happening. 

Part of it is due to worrying. 

I worry about my girl who is currently on the other side of the word. 

Did she eat today? 

Is she sick? 

Did anyone hold her? 

While I read stories and played hide-and-go-seek and sang 'Jesus Loves Me' twelve...yes, twelve....times, did anyone spend even one minute loving on her today? 

And what about tonight? 

Is she asleep on the dirt floor in Congo? 

Is she covered in bug bites? 

Is she alone? 

The thoughts are overwhelming. 

I long for the day when she's under my roof. 

I want her here...with her family....where I can take care of her and teach her and tell how very, very much she is loved and longed for every single day. 

Very early on in the adoption contemplation process, I read something along these lines:

Adoption does not exist so families can have children; adoption exists so children can have families. 

And my girl, my Emily, has one of those....she just doesn't know it yet. 

So instead of sleeping I think, and I worry, and I pray. 

And I get excited to watch God reveal His plans for Emily to our family. 

I get a front-row seat to watch God do something great. 

This girl, who He created and loves more than I can ever possibly imagine, 

is going to be a part of a family...our family. 

What a blessing to be a part of something so near and dear to His heart. 

And that alone is exciting enough to keep me awake until she's home.