Sunday, September 22, 2013

Losing Sleep

Ever since we announced we are adopting, I haven't been able to sleep. 
I love sleep.....adore it, actually. 
And yet, lately it's just not happening. 

Part of it is due to worrying. 
I worry about my girl who is currently on the other side of the word. 
Did she eat today? 
Is she sick? 
Did anyone hold her? 

While I read stories and played hide-and-go-seek and sang 'Jesus Loves Me' twelve...yes, twelve....times, did anyone spend even one minute loving on her today? 

And what about tonight? 
Is she asleep on the dirt floor in Congo? 
Is she covered in bug bites? 
Is she alone? 

The thoughts are overwhelming. 
I long for the day when she's under my roof. 
I want her here...with her family....where I can take care of her and teach her and tell how very, very much she is loved and longed for every single day. 

Very early on in the adoption contemplation process, I read something along these lines:
Adoption does not exist so families can have children; adoption exists so children can have families. 

And my girl, my Emily, has one of those....she just doesn't know it yet. 

So instead of sleeping I think, and I worry, and I pray. 
And I get excited to watch God reveal His plans for Emily to our family. 
I get a front-row seat to watch God do something great. 
This girl, who He created and loves more than I can ever possibly imagine, 
is going to be a part of a family...our family. 
What a blessing to be a part of something so near and dear to His heart. 

And that alone is exciting enough to keep me awake until she's home. 


  1. My husband and I just picked our adoption agency and are moving forward in the process. Everyone seems to think that we're adopting because we've dealt with infertility. But that's not our heart at all. We're adopting because that's our heart. I've been trying to put into words exactly how I feel and where my heart is so people could understand that it's not about us just wanting a baby. And then I read this post and you said, "Adoption does not exist so families can have children; adoption exists so children can have families." And that is the exact sentiment I've been looking for. Thank you! <3 And what a lucky little girl your Emily is to have you as a mamma. :)


  2. I know exactly what you mean! Love this post and cannot wait to watch God bring Emily home into your family!!


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