Failing Miserably

See this face?

(Yes, it's mine; you are correct. No you can't have it; yes, I realize you'd probably never want....especially if you could see it all  up close and personal life. Can you say, "Wrinkles at thirty-two" ? I can.)

This is the face a girl who's failing miserably.

If you do recall, in January I choose a word for 2012.

My word for this year?

Simplify.  

Well, at four months in, I can already tell you that this has been a big, fat, fail in the most failiest of failing sense.

I genuinely want to be that mom who has time to sit and play Pictionary before bed, who can still do everything and be everywhere and be everyone to everyone.

Never gonna happen.

Who am I kidding?

My calendar is booked solid.

I literally don't have an open weekend until July...and even then I only have one available.

 It's teetering on the edge of ridiculous and tottering on the edge of borderline insane.

The truth is: I LIKE MY PLATE FULLER THAN MOST.

I was the girl in college who could take eighteen hours (five of them being lit. classes that required at least a novel per class per week...and don't even get me started on the papers I had to write. Trust me, you don't wanna go there.), hold an office (or two) in my social club (Your college may have sororities. Mine has social clubs. Tit for tat.), serve as an SGA senator, write for my college's newspaper, plan a golf tournament for charity, work out daily, watch all the TV my heart desired, make a 3.8 GPA for the semester, spend hours a day being silly and doing nothing, and still have time to spend hours giggling with my girlfriends. Granted I didn't sleep at all in college, but WHO CARED? Sleep was a thing you did when you were old.

Well, now I'm old.

I must sleep. Do you hear me? It's non-optional at this point.

But that's just it... everything in my life right now FEELS like it's non-optional. I love it all. There's nothing I feel like I can cut, hence the FAILING MISERABLY I mentioned earlier.

The problem is, I give so much of myself to my friends (whom I love), my Christian non-profit that I serve on a board for (never gonna stop loving this one. Don't even try to touch it. It's untouchable and completely and utterly non-optional), my household responsibilities (the cooking and cleaning and whatnot that one can only put on the back burner for so long), my other commitments in and about that I truly enjoy, trying to squeeze in time with my girlfriends (none of whom live close to me, I might add), and my job, that at the end of the day I feel like my kids and the hubby get what's LEFT instead of what's BEST of me.

Clearly, this is not okay.

It's not who I want to be or what I want to teach my kiddos.

I don't want to feel like my family time is something else for me to try to squeeze onto the last free line in my planner.

That is most definitely NOT how it is supposed to be.

I know this. I get it. I can see it clearly. I ever preach it to my friends.

But I stink at taking my own advice.

I was recently reminded of this when reading 7. I'm pretty sure that Jen Hatmaker wrote this section with me in mind. I overbook, overload, over plan. I give away way too much of myself to this and that and essentially leave what's left of me for God and my family.

I have to make it all work and keep juggling all of these balls in the air or I'm literally afraid they might all come crashing down around me. Pretty sure it'd take a St. Bernard or two to find me underneath all that I've got on my plate. You know- the one I like fuller than most.

I like to be busy.

I like to be involved.

I like to participate and sign up and volunteer.

But something's gotta give.

So, this is me trying (again) to prioritize. To say no. To cut back. To breathe. To plan everything around my time with God and my time with my family rather than vice versa. If no one is dying or bleeding, it's not an emergency. It can wait. It will be okay. The world will not end if I'm not in charge of that or if I let someone else take care of it.

*Note: If you see me out and about and hearing me chanting anything of things to myself, please just ignore me and walk the other way. I apologize in advance.*

So, my lovely readers. Thoughts on this? Advice? Do try to be kind, please.

 But I would love to hear how YOU make it work?

And if you don't make it work, share that too.

We can fail miserably together.

The Art of Being Patient

If I were a tattoo kind of girl, which I'm not (no worries, Mom),

the tattoo I'd get would say something like this:

(Picture from here.)

(Picture from here.)

(Picture from here.)

Because, you see this face?

It belongs to a girl who has absolutely no patience whatsoever.

Seriously, I am lacking to the fullest extent in the patience department in virtually every aspect of my life.

This is bad for several reasons.

First, it causes me to miss out on fun moments because I get so caught up in waiting for what's next to come; it makes me miss out on the NOW.

Second, it makes me grumpy. Having no patience is no fun at all.

Third, and most importantly, it makes me seem unappreciative of God. I am a firm-believer in the idea that God's timing is WAY better than anything I can ever come up with, and while I'm sure He has something great in store for me, when I'm impatient about His timing, I'm also ungrateful of His plans.

And while I'm working really, really hard to try and be better at the waiting game, I'm currently failing miserably. Anyone else out there struggle with this? I'd love to hear how you work at being patient during time when it's really, really tough to wait.

Here's hoping your Tuesday is full of great things.

If you need me, I'll be blowing up Twitter and working to find every possible distraction while I work on  waiting patiently.

Dear Mr. Sparks, You've Made Me Grumpy

Warning: I will be talking about Nicholas Sparks's newest book, The Best of Me, in this post. However, I don't plan on saying anything that you can't get from reading the inside of the cover. But, if that's too much of a 'spoiler' for you, then you may want to come back to this post after you've read the book. However, if you continue reading this post, you may not want to read the book at all.....

Let's start at the beginning.

This is me in college (I'm the one on the right):

Somewhere close to this time, I began my relationship with ole' Nicholas.

 By 'relationship', I mean he wrote and I read....everything. I've read all of his books, even after I started to realize that he essentially takes the same story and retells it over

....and over

....and over again

 with some new names and new places, but I was faithful.

 I was loyal.

I was a 'fan' in the truest sense.

Not any more.

In fact, this is me promising to never read another Nicholas Sparks book ever again.

Now that I've said it, let's discuss the why, shall we?

Well, our relationship began to go South, so to speak, when I became a mom. For whatever reason, having a daughter of my own has made me more aware of what I listen to, read, and watch. I don't want certain ideas in my home or in my brain anymore; what once seemed okay to listen to or entertain even if I didn't per say agree with it, is no longer okay.

 Being a mom is a HUGE deal and an even bigger responsibility,

and I try hard to live accordingly.

Do I still watch TV or listen to music or reads things other than devotional books?

Of course I do; I live in the same world as everyone else and my house has both the Internet and cable. 

 BUT, I am more aware of what I expose my children to and fill my head with than I was before the kiddos were part of who I am.

Simply put, what I'm trying to say here is that I don't agree with the way Mr. Sparks's characters often live out this scenario:

They meet.

They talk.

They bond.

They jump in the sack.

All in about a three day time period.

Not okay.

Phase two of our relationship breakdown occurred when I became a high school teacher. Every day I see at least one high school girl reading a Nicholas Sparks book. One of my students was reading one today in my class, as a matter of fact. So, essentially, Mr. Sparks is doing nothing to help the 'please oh please save your most precious gift until your marriage' plight that I'm trying so hard to instill in the sweet kiddos I love. Instead he's filling their precious minds with ideas that lead to confuse 'lust' with 'love'. While I realize he is by no means the only writer out there doing this, the fact that his earlier works did more to reflect Christian principles and morals proves that he CAN write books that serve as good examples of the blessings that can come from Godly versus worldly relationships.

 More on this in a minute.....

But that's not all.

The final straw for me came via this:

In this novel, Nicholas Sparks writes about an affair.

The problem does not come from his writing about it, but he romanticizes and glorifies it, making it sound like a holiday from real life and justifying it with the idea that the wife just isn't happy in her marriage.

Okay, first let me say that I'm not here to judge.

At all.

 That's in no way my intention.

 I realize that affairs have been around as long as marriage,

and unfortunately, they're not going anywhere any time soon.

I also realize that affairs are extremely hurtful and damaging for all involved.

 I have several friends who have been on the receiving side of an affair,

 and let me just say that there was nothing romantic of holiday-like about it.

We have so many things in this world that are trying to tear families apart;

we don't need any more help in that department or anyone else telling us how 'easy' and 'ok' it is.

However, I have an even bigger problem with the fact that Nicholas Sparks has appealed to the teenage audience with several of his works that feature teenagers and have been turned into movies staring popular teen actors. He even has a new one coming out soon. Having appealed to this audience, he's setting them up to be greatly misinformed. I try every single day to be a positive example for the teens I work with, and even though I sometimes fail miserable, I use every available avenue to be a good example for them. Nicholas Sparks has such a chance to make a difference in their lives. Young girls today are desperately seeking stories of romance, and he certainly delivers. But while he has their attention, couldn't he just as easily use this opportunity to promote them to live their lives in a way that honors marriage?

Even worse, in one of his earliest books A Walk to Remember, Sparks wrote with a heavy Christian influence, often referring to God and having the main character emphasize heavily how she was waiting until marriage. When I started reading his books, this is one of the main things that attracted me to them. It's not often that you find a romantic story that contains good values and sets a good example to young readers. Also, I loved the idea of a Christian man writing sweet love stories. And to this day, I still LOVE this book and the sweet message that it sends to readers of all ages.

 If you look on his website, it says he goes to church regularly.

Do I think that there's a Christian alive who hasn't sinned or who doesn't in some way give in or conform to the ways of this world in which we live?

Of course not!

However, would I LOVE to see him step up and use his status to encourage Godly relationships?

 Most certainly.

I am in no way that we should ignore affairs or that he shouldn't write about them;

my frustration comes from the fact that he romanticized it and justified in a way that I simply can't defend. He focuses so heavily on the romance part of the story, while only briefly mentioning the idea that this affair might lead to regret. I just can't believe that this is or should be true to life.....

 I'm not thinking that he should become a Christian author, but I would love to see him revert back to writing the kinds of novels that, although they may not even mention God,

 contain morally appropriate 'love stories'.

Is that really too much to ask?

I'm thinking no, it's not at all.

I honestly believed that he was above conforming to what society

has unfortunately deemed as 'popular' and 'acceptable'.

Apparently, I was fooled.

To me, an affair and a love story are generally two different things.

If he's going to have his characters make mistakes, I wish he would also portray the consequences that follow.

You too?

So, in closing:

Dear Mr. Sparks,

We are over.

Our society has enough things telling us that it's okay to do whatever you want if it 'feels right'. 

Please stop corrupting the minds of young girls by making affairs sound like anything more than the hurtful acts they truly are.

You can keep your sappy jump in the sack stories and peddle your repeated plots elsewhere.

Families are more important than lusty desires.

My daughters, my friends, my students, and I can do better.

You've proven that it's possible to write a morally upstanding, yet completely romantic, novel. I know you can do it and do it very well, so why would you ever try to fill our minds with anything else?

Praying that you'll step up and be the Christian example that I know you can be,

McCall

 And to you my sweet readers who stayed around long enough to finish reading this forever long post,
here's hoping that this post wasn't too much for you today; I know that I usually keeps things light and funny around these here parts.
 But, if I don't stand up for I believe in,

how can I possibly expect anyone else to?

Anyone Have a Bubble I Can Borrow???

Happy freakin' Monday, my lovelies.

If you know me at all, you know that I can pretty much laugh at anything,

and that quite often I am laughing at myself.

And this is one of those times.

So, please know that I write this post in order to emphasize the funny, and with that being said, please ignore the fact that this is ridiculously pathetic and pitiful.

Remember, we are focusing on the funny.

OK, so I kinda feel like I need a t-shirt that says this:

Why's that you ask?

Well, there's the bulging disc and the Walkman look-a-like/wannabe heart monitor/back box that I swear draws in a crowd every time I leave the house, which is funny because I thought no one was supposed to notice it. Huh.

There's also the tick bite I got last week. I'd show it to you, but it looks nas-ty, and that's just not cool. I try to keep my blog as nasty free as possible. And yes, I did take a Lyme disease test. And yes, the results come back today. And no, I'm not worried about it. After surviving E-coli, everything else is small potatoes.

Well, in addition to the bulging disc and tick bite, I'd also like to add this to the mix:

Because I simply didn't have enough going on with my body.

This is what happens when I try to walk.

Ok, not really, but kinda really.

I was walking and tripped...over nothing.

My hands and both knees are not exactly happy with me right now.

The best part?

See the red marks at the top and bottom of the bandage?

Those are from a reaction I had to the Littlest Pet Shop band-aids I wore last night.

Fabulous.

So my bloggy friends, what's the point in sharing this you might ask?

Oh, it's just that I'm feeling a wee bit like this today:

Seriously, enough is enough already.

I've had about all that I can take.

And I mean it this time.

I mean, for real, can a girl not catch a break

or at LEAST have a cool story to share after receiving said injuries?

Really anything better than, "I suck at walking" will do.

Regardless, it is kind of funny.

I mean most people have less happen to them in a month than I have in an average day.

Does that make me special?

Ummmmm.....only if by 'special' you mean a walking disaster waiting to strike...or fall, in my case.

So today, in spite of the fact that my knees look horrible, my friend Mandi and I are headed to the beach.

Ok, so maybe it's really the lake here in town, but we will be pretending that it's the beach.

I'm hoping it will do wonders for my grumpiness....and my knee.

I mean, lakes are good for knees...and backs...and tick bites....right?

Happy, fall free Monday to you and you and you.

But No One is Gonna Notice

So, I've been MIA. Like for real. And it was unexpected.

But I'm hoping this is gonna make up for it...or at least be a real good excuse.

So, here's me, aka the girl with the no good, dirty, rotten back:

And on Monday I went to a pain management clinic as directed by my neurosurgeon.

Sidenote: While I was there they did a drug test, which I obviously passed. But seriously-- what a waste of dinero for the girl who's never, ever done drugs.

Moving on....

So the pain clinic doctor has scheduled a nerve block for May 17th.

What's a nerve block, you ask?

Oh, it's the fun little ditty that involves a need going directly into my hurt disc and injecting fun stuff like valium into it. Sounds fun, yes? And if it works, they'll do two more. And then, after all that fun, they'll do what the doctor referred to as a 'nerve burn'. More details on that later, but you can guarantee it's gonna be a good time with a name like 'nerve burn'.

Anyway, to help me make it to the 17th without pulling out my hair one piece at a time, they sent me home with a friend:

Bloggers, meet my box, and please ignore the lent on my shirt. Darn you, black sweater.

This little fella sends electric shock waves into my back to basically distract the muscles and deflect the pain.

Fabulous.

Not sure if it works yet; the verdict is still out. But I promise to keep you posted.

Anyway, I don't mind wearing it,

but I did find it quite humorous when the doctor reassured me that 'no one will notice it'.

She was completely serious.

Seriously?

I mean, what's not to notice about a cumbersome box and three feet of chords hanging out of my pocket?

See what you think:

Totally not noticeable?

RIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTT.

My thoughts exactly.

And on that note, happy Wednesday to you and you and you.

And come back soon (like tomorrow)...I'll be posting about Libby's kindergarten graduation.

And you're not gonna want to miss it.

Waiting Patiently or Patiently Waiting

This is pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

The back-- it's causing drama again.

It should be ashamed.

So please forgive me as I take another day or so off from my blogging duties....

and when I do return, I promise to tell you all about my appointment today at the pain management clinic.

And there will be pictures.

Thanks for waiting so patiently for me...and my no good, dirty, rotten, really terrible back.

You're pretty much the best.

Enough Is Enough Already

Warning: I'm grumpy, frustrated, and plain ole' over it. There will be no neighbor post this week because if we were neighbors in real life, you'd know that I'm just not feeling it. But save your posts for next week, because, Lord willing, life will resume as 'normal' soon enough.

I try really hard to make my blog a happy place.

While I try to be honest about the ups and downs life can bring, I also realize that no one wants to read about the negative. So while I don't ignore the bad, I try to focus on the positive.

Except for today.

Because today I've had enough.

In case you're just now tuning in, my back has been hurting since January 19th.

I haven't picked up Hollyn since roughly a week after that.

That means that for over a month I haven't picked up my fourteen month old. She's sat in my lap and cuddled with me on the couch and whatnot, but it's so not the same.

And, to make matters worse, I'm not working this year.

Why is that, you might ask?

Well, I took the year off from teaching to be with her, the fourteen month whom I can no longer pick up and who has therefore spent the last month and a half in day care while I sit at home and hurt.

You'd think that with all this new found free time, I'd be living it up, right?

Not happening.

My back hurts twenty-four hours a day.

We're talking serious pain here, folks.

Bulging discs are no joke.

And despite the fact that I've done everything the chiropractor has told me to do during our seventeen hours we've spent together so far, my back is still a train wreck.

And later this morning I'm going in for a consult where we'll decide on what my next step will be.

He says I have three choices, and one of them is surgery.

So, not only can I not enjoy this moment because my back hurts so badly that I can hardly see straight, but I also can't make plans because I currently don't know what the future holds. And this is as bad for me as the pain. I am a plan-making kind of girl. My planner and I are basically BFF, so this is so not fun for me.  I'm not scared of surgery, but back surgery is its own beast. It's nowhere near 100% effective or a sure fix. In fact, many people have flat out told me not to do it. Still, it's not the surgery that makes me nervous, it's the toll that more time with me being basically out of commission is going to take on my family that has me losing sleep.

And, in case you're wondering, I've been going this route virtually pain-pill free. My back just laughs at the over-the-counter stuff, and I pretty much can't function when taking anything stronger than that. Although last night I caved. I took some leftover Lortab from a previous incident (I'm thinking wisdom teeth? Who knows.) and had the most terrible allergic reaction of my life. We're talking Def Kong Five here people. I'm still itching this morning.....about fifteen hours after taking the hated pill.

And while I can't pick Hollyn up, I refuse to not enjoy the little time I have with her every day.

I'm tough. I can take it, but it sure is getting old.

And while I can take the physical pain, it's the mental part that's really getting to me.  Sitting at home alone all day while someone else takes care of my kid isn't exactly my idea of fun. Add not knowing what's to come and whether or not surgery is in my near future doesn't help either. And can I just say that I love my couch, but sleeping on it every night for weeks on end is about all I can endure?

Let's throw in the fact that my grandmother came home from the hospital today after a three week stay, Libby woke up this morning looking absolutely terrible-- her skin stays bad but she always goes to school....except for today...because today it's all over her face, and I just couldn't do that to her. I've e-mailed her doctor, and hopefully he'll change something or do something or fix something SOON. And in case that wasn't enough,  Hollyn is probably about to get tubes put in her ears, seeing as how she has stayed sick non-stop since starting daycare. And why is she in daycare? Blame my back. It's a vicious cycle, folks. 

In short,  you can tell that our house is just a barrel of fun these days.

Even though I can't fix the physical pain from my back,

I have made numerous attempts at fixing my frame of mind.

These include but are not limited to the following:

* a lunch date with Molly

 

*a baseball game with good friends

*a Sonic run with my mom

*catching up on the latest Grey's episode

*laughing with Rachel

*spending some time curled up on the couch with a good book

*listening to my girls laugh at each other

*enjoying a Happy Meal, my comfort food of choice

*listening to (and loving) this song

*Heck, I've even gone as far as to give Doc his first taste of peanut butter so I could watch him make this face:

 

And still, I'm thinking that any minute now I just may lose what's left of my mind. I consider myself to be pretty tough, and I've endured a lot in my thirty-one years. But this is about to push me over the edge. It's just too much at once. I could handle any one of these incidents independently with no trouble whatsoever. But when you put it all together like this, it's nothing shy of a big. hot. mess.

So, I must know:

what do YOU do to make yourself feel better when the stress starts to really take its toll?

I'm seriously grasping at straws here, folks.

I'm a tough cookie, but enough is enough.

Thanks for listening to me rant and rave. I owe you big time.

So not funny

My family thinks they are SOOOOO funny. Do have a family like this?

*Sigh.*

Well then bless your little heart, you feel my pain.

In fact, one particular member of my family thought she was SOOOO funny when she sent me this in response to my soccer mom post:

Like I said, totally not funny.

And then, when I went to express just how not funny this was to the hubby,

here's what I got in reponse:

Does it ever stop?

Enough with the funny already.

Give a girl a break.

Those dang pinchers

See this baby?

She's pretty darn cute, right?

So this cute baby and I did the unthinkable today. Well, 'unthinkable' may be a strong word....let's instead say we did something today that I've been dreading: we went to the store. (Do you hear the creepy music playing in your head yet? Well, you should. This is pretty creepy stuff.)

Yes, she's been to the store before now.

However, she has NOT been to the store and sat in the buggy, carrier free, before today.

To those of you non-mommies out there, you may be wondering what the big deal is.

What's wrong with taking the baby to the store?

I'll tell you what's wrong: it seems that the minute the little is out of the carrier, people feel as though she's suddenly fair game for cheek pinching and chin tickling.

 Today THREE complete strangers proceeded to pinch, touch, pat, and rub on my Holly Belle.

I swear one lady was two heartbeats away from kissing her had I not resorted to my infamous 'don't even think about it' look- you know, the one that came in so very handy during my days as a high school teacher. 

Don't get me wrong,  I'm all for people admiring my little one....from a far. Admire her, wave at her, and please feel free to tell me how cute you think she is.

However, I draw the line at touching.

What makes random people think it's ok to get in my baby's face and touch her at will?

THIS IS NOT OK, PEOPLE!

Would you walk up to an adult and touch as you please?

I certainly hope not.

(Not that any of you reading would ever do this-- I know you're all way too cool for acts such as this. :) )

We all have our pet peeves, and this is one of mine. There are germs out there, people! And while I'm not anywhere near what I consider germ-aphobic, I'm also not ignorant to the fact that strangers carry more germs than the people I know. I mean, that is proven, right? Ok, maybe not-- but it certainly seems that way. There's all kind of scary stuff out there, and I'd really prefer to keep it all as far away as possible from Hollyn's cheeks.

I know they're squishy and appealing.

 I'll even go as far as to say they're begging to be pinched.....by me....at home.

Not by strangers at the store.

I love new people.

I love my baby.

I just don't love new people touching my baby.

Don't worry folks (here's where you can push 'pause' on the creepy music player)- next time we head to the store, I think I'll make Hollyn a sign to wear...it'll look something like this:

Hopefully, this will do the trick and help the strangers keep their pinchers to themselves.